By Aaron Emerson
It’s my 60th day sober and I am feeling great. I went to an AA meeting this morning at a local alano club and got my 2 month coin. I’ve picked up a few 2 month chips over the last several years, but this feels different.
It’s hard to explain, but I feel a much more spiritual sense to my attitude. I’ve really been awakened to the fact that life is so short, and if I don’t find lasting recovery this time, it might not ever happen. Earlier this year I lost one of my best friends to an overdose and my daughter is seven and a half years old. On top of that, I’ve been thinking a lot more about wanting to enjoy time with my parents and the people closest to me.
When you are in active addiction, all you are doing is making people close to you worry and stress, risking your life everyday. Nobody deserves that, and let’s face it, my parents aren’t gonna be around forever. I don’t want to waste any more time, and that attitude is really helping me slow things down and think about what’s truly important in life.
I’m not looking at my recovery as something I HAVE to do anymore, I’m starting to come to a place where I WANT to do it. I want to be sober, I don’t want to have to be high or drunk to enjoy life. Having to be outside of yourself to enjoy things is sad. There are so many fun things to do in this world sober, and those times are what create memories, not going out to a bar acting like an idiot or nodding out throughout the day.
Life is so precious, such a blessing, and we are not on this earth long at all. It’s so important to make the most of each day, enjoying every moment. I want to make a difference in my lifetime. I want to help people, to use my story to make an impact. I’d love to start an organization someday to help youth, a drug prevention or education type thing. Right now I am simply focusing on myself and working on my recovery, but I have been praying for God to lead me in the right direction.
Perhaps the most important thing I’m doing right now is participating in therapy at PAR Rehab. My therapist is amazing and she’s walking me through the process of healing from PTSD. It’s something I have rarely talked about, but one of the reasons I kept relapsing was because I wasn’t dealing with it. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s worth it.
The bottom line, though, is that I am where I am. I can’t change anything that’s in the past, all I can do is make the most of where I am right now. And I love where I am right now. I don’t know if I would take anything back because everything that’s happened to me has molded me into the person I am today. Today I am okay with myself. I’m in recovery and have a future. God is working in my life!