Day 51

By Aaron Emerson

I’m starting to settle in after my stint in jail/rehab. I’ve developed a routine and am comfortable. Morning is my favorite time of the day; a mixture of being grateful to be alive and sober and enjoying the natural high I get from prayer, coffee and devotion.

I’ve been to a meeting everyday since I’ve been out and I plan to keep that commitment for at least the foreseeable future. Some of the meetings are solid, others are average and then there have been one or two that I don’t get much out of other than safety and companionship.

My family is proud of me. My parents and I have been getting along great. My daughter is more of a motivation than she has ever been. I’ve taken her to the park and I probably act like a kid around her more than most fathers. I see myself more in her each day and that makes me proud and scared at the same time.

The only complaint I have is lonelieness. I’m 27 and I’m single and though I want that to change, I need to work on myself more. The midwestern summer days are hot and beautiful and I wish I had someone to share them with when my daughter is not here.

I had a counseling session with my therapist. She knows me more than I know myself and she’s digging deep to pull out things I’ve never talked about. Trauma, pain, sadness, anger, rage. They are buried deep. I am starting to talk about it though and it feels good but also scary.

I haven’t had any thoughts of using or drinking and that makes me happy. I love the feelings heroin and cocaine give me but I hate the consequences that come with putting them in my bloodstream. Those consequences and the pain and misery of addiction are fresh in my mind.

I’m sober. I’m glad I’m sober. I am proud of myself.  Other people are proud of me too. Life is good today. I have hope.

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Author: Aaron Emerson

From Lansing, Michigan, I am a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic. I share my story to spread hope, raise awareness and erase the stigma of addiction. I am a huge Detroit sports fan and have a seven year old daughter.

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